Saturday, January 30, 2010

I am famous for my generosity.

That's all i'll ever be to you isn't it.
Just, interesting.
I have the same relationship with everyone.
"You looked nice last night, i think you're interesting.. we should hang out more, what was your number again?"
You don't call.
We don't hang.
I move on.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Last night i had a dream that somebody loved me. He taught me how to love. But not to love him, to love myself. He was a lonely man, a face he described as 'that only his mother could love'. He was medium height, wore glasses, black frames suited his face, was caring and considerate.
People percieved him as a happy man, always smiling.. but only when people were around.
He was a painter, painted what he felt but never showed a single soul, only me. It was always dark and deep. He worked in a casual retail job to the bills, if he didn't work there he probably would have stayed at home all the time, that's where i met him, he smiled at me.
He's not with me anymore, he took his own life when i was downstairs making him tea. black, one sugar. Found him hanging from the bathroom roof, he had what appeared to be a half smile on his face, just like usual. I kissed the cold, hard cheek of his corpse, a single tear rolled down my face onto his arm, then into his hand. There was writing on his hand, just black ink. "lola, it's all yours. I'm happy, so are you. Dont cry for me, you didn't know me well enough. Love yourself, I love you." I woke up.
I went shopping today, i met Jonathon, he works at the local cafe, he smiled at me. He looks so adorable wearing his black framed glasses...

heaven knows i'm miserable

How much soul searching does it take to figure out life? How many downs do we have to endure to get an up? How many times in our life are we allowed to feel genuinely happy? Is it distributed amongst everyone evenly, or does it go to a certain group of pathetic people who are deemed unlucky? Is that how the universe balances out, one half excel in life and feel amazing, and the other half feel like absolute shit and strugle their entire lives?

Sunday, January 3, 2010


Last night I dreamt about my first time. He was a stranger, but he loved me with his entire being. We met at a beach, around midday. I was eating a red apple and listening to The Smiths. His eyes were brown, matched his hair. He sat beside me, and smiled.
I woke up in his arms, he kissed my forehead and asked how I was; I said I was fine.
I went to the bathroom, saw my blood stained underwear. I smiled; finally, somebody loved my body. Cherished it, caressed it, and didn’t leave me for dead.
I lied down beside him again; it was silent for a long period of time. He kissed me softly on the lips and whispered something I couldn’t quite understand.
I woke up, dissatisfied.
I don’t have anyone that loves me, and I don’t like red apples. *sigh*

Friday, January 1, 2010

a brand new decade.

so, happy new year all.
i hope your celebrations were a blast.
tell me stories of what happened to you last night
got your self in an awkward situation?
woke up next to the hottest/ugliest guy/girl ever?
had your stomach pumped?
whatever it is, let me know. need more inspiration.
2010 alot of art projects are coming up for me this year.
I'll keep you posted.

let's hope this year is 1000 times better then last.
get your creative juices flowing..
party hard, and be your own person.